Editor's note: The following scenarios are completely fictional and definitely did not happen. At least we don't think they did.
[Gus Johnson erupts out of bed, startling his wife awake. Johnson sprints to the bathroom to brush his teeth]
Johnson: *gargled speech* "Hemuph goesh fer da recowrd! Hemuph culd pesibly maek it!"
[Spits out toothpaste]
Johnson: "HE DID IT! WOW! HOW ABOUT THAT! 60 SECONDS FROM BED TO BRUSHING COMPLETION"
[Skip Bayless pulls into the FS1 parking lot for his first day on the job}
[Bayless parks, looks in rearview mirror, begins to recite lines]
Bayless: "Alright, you got this"
[Stares intently into mirror]
Bayless: "I think it's tragic that Tim Tebow hasn't gotten another chance in the NFL. He's just a w-"
[Through The Fire And The Flames by Dragonforce can be heard faintly in the distance]
Bayless: "What the absolute hell is th-"
[Gus Johnson powerslides his car into his parking spot, his bloodshot-wired eyes wide open, headbanging to Dragonforce. Johnson opens his car door, and approximately 38 empty cans of Red Bull, Monster energy drinks, and Peace Green Tea tumble out]
[Johnson leaps to Bayless's passenger window]
Johnson: "WOW! FIRST ONE TO THE OFFICE! TRULY A TRANSCENDENT PERFORMANCE!"
[Gus Johnson sprints into FS1 offices]
[Clay Travis sits in a dimly lit room with nothing but his laptop, Periscope equipment, and a whiteboard that says "PC BROS MURDERED ON TWITTER TODAY" with 7 tally marks on it]
Travis: "Oh man I am totally OWNING these tools on social media today. Just gotta get this last tweet off..."
[Gus Johnson appears over his shoulder]
Johnson: "WILL HE PRESS SEND?! I CAN'T TAKE THE ANTICIPATION!"
Travis: "Dude, not cool. This is the third time this week, you can't just barge in whereve-"
Johnson: "I THINK HE CAN!"
[Clay Travis looks quizzically at Gus Johnson, presses send]
[Gus Johnson backflips around room]
Johnson: "HE DID IT?! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! THIS. IS. MARCH. MADNESS!"
Travis: "Dude, it's August."
[Gus Johnson is in the studio, calling a game of poker]
Johnson: "HE'S GOT THE STRAIGHT FLUSH! RAISE HIM BABY, RAISE HIM!"
[Poker player folds]
Johnson: "OH NO! WHAT AN ERROR!"
[After a long day of coloring and staring at walls, Joe Buck takes his mid-afternoon Diet Pepsi and saltine cracker break]
[Gus Johnson rips down break room wall, kickflips into break room]
Johnson: "WHAT A SNACK FROM JOE BUCK!"
Buck: *stares at wall*
Johnson: "WHAT A BREAK TIME! I DON'T KNOW IF HE'LL EVER TOP THIS!"
Buck: *continues starting at wall*
[Gus Johnson boogie boards out of break room]
Buck: "Hey Gus, would you mind keeping it down?"
[Joe Buck looks around room, shrugs, goes back to his arduous work day]
[Gus Johnson is in the studio again, calling a rousing game of scrabble]
Johnson: "HOW DID HE GET ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM?! I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M SEEING"
[Gus Johnson transforms into glowing ethereal personification of hype, begins levitating]
Johnson: "CAAAAAN YOOOOU BELIEEEVE IT!"
[Gus Johnson quietly eats a dinner of spaghetti and meatballs]
Johnson: "WHAT A MEAL! WHAT A NIGHT!"
[Gus Johnson's wife is in bed, reading a murder mystery]
[Gus Johnson crashes through window]
Wife: "Why were you outside?"
Johnson: "THE BUTLER DID IT! IN THE BACKYARD! WITH A WRENCH! WHAT AN ENDING I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!"
Wife: "Were you reading my book from the window?"
[Gus Johnson dives into closet, emerges .325 seconds later in Charlie Brown pajamas, dives into bed]
Wife: (sighs) "Did you have a good day, baby?"
Johnson: (beaming smile) "Eh, it was alright."