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3 AM Thoughts Ranks Things Arbitrarily

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I have clinical Insomnia, which means I barely ever sleep. Sometimes my mind goes to weird places. These are those weird places.

Matt Cardy/Getty Images

BEERS:

1. Shiner Cheer

2. Coors Light (I'M A REAL WEST TEXAN)

3. Shiner Bock

4. Alaskan Amber

5. Arrogant Bastard Ale

6. Anything From Deep Ellum

7. everything else (all beers have their own merits.)

SONGS FEATURING AKON:

1. Club Rockin' - Chip Tha Ripper ft. Akon

2. I Just Had Sex - Lonely Island ft. Akon

3. Soul Survivor - Young Jeezy ft. Akon

3. Snitch - Obie Trice ft. Akon

4. Kush - Dr. Dre ft. Snoop Dogg and Akon

...

23987123874234. Bartender - T-Pain ft. Akon (OH MY GOD AUTOTUNE)

SPORTS:

1. Football

2. Ultimate Frisbee

3. Basketball

...

56. Cricket

...

72. ESports

...

189. Baseball

...

727. NFL

COUNTRY BANDS/SINGERS

1. Zach Brown Band

2. George Strait (FIGHT ME)

3. Hunter Hutchinson

4. Willie Nelson

5. everyone else

MODERN HIP-HOP

1. Run The Jewels

2. Kendrick Lamar

3. Vince Staples

4. King Los

5. Kanye West

6. Future

7. Logic

ALL-TIME TEXAS TECH FOOTBALL PLAYERS (I have a recency bias. Deal with it.)

1. EJ Holub

2. Michael Crabtree

3. Gabe Rivera

4. Patrick Mahomes

5. Seth Doege

6. Dwayne Slay

7. Colby Whitlock

8. Brandon Carter

9. Eric Ward

10. STICKS

...

23095812039481230492422834724. Adam James

FAVORTIE COLLEGE FOOTBALL TEAMS THAT AREN'T TEXAS TECH

1. Ole Miss

2. Virginia Tech

3. Oregon

4. TCU

5. Miami

6. Iowa State

7. Michigan State

8. Washington State

9. LSU

10. UCLA

SBNATION BLOGS THAT AREN'T VTM

1. Blogging The Boys

2. Wide Right Natty Light

3. Every Day Should Be Saturday

4. State Of The U

5. Barking Carnival

DALLAS COWBOYS MAN-CRUSHES

1. Sean Lee

2. Tony Romo

TV SHOWS

1. Rick and Morty

2. Sons Of Anarchy

3. Friday Night Lights

4. Turn (shockingly pretty historically accurate)

5. Spartacus

FILM DIRECTORS

1. everyone except Christopher Nolan

2. Christopher Nolan (suck it Jon)

LITERARY CLASSICS

1. Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card

2. Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien

3. A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

4. To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee

5. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

6. The Old Man and The Sea by Ernest Hemingway

7. Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad

8. Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe

9. The Abolition of Man by C.S. Lewis

10. The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway