It is Wednesday my dudes.
//Anti-Preview engaged. Defragging corn from hard drives. Rebooting snarkyness. Uploading new defensive program. //accepted// Running 5-2 program with balanced attack and effective defense.//
Homecoming held an absolute walloping of the Kansas Jayhawks behind freshman sensation Alan Bowman, the dual three-headed-hydras of Wesley, Vasher, Collins & Henry, Felton, King and the stout Tech defense. Kingsbury and company are now looking ahead to a problematic meeting with a foe that has had our number the past two years. There really isn’t a more annoying week in football than the one against theeeeeeeEEeEeEe...
IOWA STATE WHIRLY DIRLYS
Usually I provide a picture of the enemies in question, but this is just infinitely more fun and beneficial than a picture of the actual Iowa State Whirly Dirlys. Either way this is a team that had a rocky start but has found revitalization through a big win over West Virginia. The refreshing of their offensive abilities has come behind freshman Brock Purdy, who has led the Cyclones to victory since his entrance against Oklahoma State. Two games under his belt and their fans consider him a god, but in his defense he hasn’t done much to suggest otherwise. Fort/Castle (I forgot what we went with) Gibbs is going to have its work cut out for it this Saturday against Purdy and Montgomery. Seriously though lets get to the stuff that matters.
WHAT SHOULD YOU BE DRINKING
Look. I’ve led you well in the past, honored our opponents and offered you something beneficial in return. But this? This time I had no choice. It is proven by research that nobody loves Busch Light more than Iowans. According to the Iowa Wholesale Beer Distributors Association, nearly 16 million gallons of Busch Light were shipped to Iowa in a single year. If you do some simple math on the population and the beer that works out to about seven gallons per every adult in the state!
I guess there’s only one thing we can do with that humbling reality: crack open a cold Busch and watch this ridiculous 1979 commercial.
WHAT SHOULD YOU BE EATING
You saw it coming.
Writer’s note: an Iowa State alum and colleague of mine said that pork chops are a big deal, but I just couldn’t bring myself to give the Whirly Dirlys any kind of reputable food representation.
BEST THING ABOUT THIS GAME
The match up between Bowman and Purdy will end up being the story of this game. One, a freshman. The other? A freshman. Both Bowman and Purdy have been putting up efficient numbers in their times as starters, and are looking at Saturday with unconscious enthusiasm to rise above the other as the freshman QB of the Big 12. Iowa State has a prominent defense, but Texas Tech has also been the most effective in the Big 12 at keeping their opponents off the board. You don’t believe me?
Numbers don’t lie, baby! The math is solid - Texas Tech is a bend, don’t break defense. Sure you can march all the way down to the red zone but it takes grit and intelligence to get to pay dirt. Purdy may be the key, but Saturday is going to show us just how good he is and how good the Tech defense is.
FIVE REASONS TO DISLIKE IOWA STATE
1. THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT A BASEBALL IS. DO A BASEBALL, IOWA STATE.
2. Texas Tech has lost the last two match ups against Iowa State, but their fans want to make it sound like Iowa State has absolutely trolled Tech for its entire existence. It hasn’t. Iowa State trails the all time by six wins. “Oh wE BeAt YoU sIxTy-SiX tO tEn!!!1!” Calm down, drink a Busch Light. It’s 2018 and you’re 3-3.
3. “Taco Tech,” as if it’s an insult YET they would argue corn tortillas are better than flour tortillas. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING RIGHT NOW. If you’re making tacos - the traditional, and arguably better medium is the corn tortilla. Yes people, me included, like the umpf of a flour tortilla but by in large: corn tortilla. If you’re making fajitas or burritos - something with weight - then you have no choice but to go flour tortillas! They have their place but the ironic part about this whole mess is that an Iowa State fan would use taco as a insult but then turn around and bolster corn tortillas as if they weren’t used for tacos. Seriously, look at this tomfoolery:
Everyone likes tacos.— Wide Right & Natty Lite (@WideRtNattyLt) October 24, 2018
Really the only complaint about flour tortillas is that they largely have minimal to no flavor and tend to fall apart under pressure.
4. Cyclones = Bird mascot. Makes sense. If I were a bird the first place I’d love to hangout is in a cyclone, too. Also geologically... how did Iowa State come up with the idea of a cyclone as an appropriate moniker? It’s like if Texas Tech decided they’d be the tidal waves. See weird bird monster below:
5. There was a time when you turned on the TV you could mistake an Iowa State game for a USC game because of their jerseys - even for a brief moment. The mustard and ketchup just doesn’t do it for me. Cardinal? Puh-lease... Even Ronald McDonald can spot his own kin.
AT THE END OF THE DAY
This game is acting as a sort of a gateway game for both of these teams. For Iowa State, they’re heating up at the best possible time in the schedule. With a relatively manageable schedule left (Texas included) the Whirly Dirlys are eying this Saturday as a chance to put some nitro in their momentum while ultimately crushing Tech’s. It is possible Iowa State could end up with an eight win season but it’s going to take winning this weekend. For Texas Tech, the same applies. Iowa State is a hot team right now, but Tech has also been playing with some purpose. If Tech can manage the Whirly Dirlys this weekend in their own stadium, then the next two games against Oklahoma then Texas at home will seem a little more doable. It’s going to take a serious flame to get these teams goin at 11am, but the implications will cut deep.