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Hypothetical Kliff Kingsbury offensive strategy session

This is how these offensive sessions likely go

Kansas v Texas Tech Photo by John Weast/Getty Images

This is a purely hypothetical look into what goes on inside the Texas Tech offensive strategy sessions:

Kliff Kingsbury: Alright everyone, thanks for joining me today. It’s time to formulate our offense for 2017. As you know, we’re going to have a few new leaders/players. But, I really like our potential (interrupted abruptly)

Eric Morris: Shimonek is a 5th-year senior, guys, he’s more/less BJ Symmons, and he shredded the record book. We thinking we’ll throw 90%/10% this year?

Kliff: Well, we’ll have to play to our personnel, Eric

Brandon Jones: My boys up front are going to be paving highways down the spine of the defense. Have you seen Jack Anderson? This kid is a flipping animal.

Emmett Jones: All due respect to you Coach Jones, but Dylan Cantrell is on pace to be an NFL Draft Pick, and I told Keke Coutee he’s gonna score 22 TDs this fall and break Crabtree’s record. We will be throwing the rock.

Kliff: Everyone, we can agree, the offense is going to as potent as ever.

Jabar Juluke: Uh, did y’all forget about Justin Stockton? Da’Leon Ward? And my new running back Desmond Nisby? I think this is the year we look into a 50/50 split because I love my options out of the backfield.

Emmett Jones: So are you going to be the one who tells Coutee and Cantrell that they’re not getting 15 targets per game each? Not to mention Quan Shorts, Derrick Willies, and the plethora of other studs we have?

Kliff: I think I said this five seconds ago, but we’ll be playing to our strengths. If the defense is putting out a five man front, I intend to run it 60+ times per game.

Brandon Jones: I can assure you that Terrence Steele and Madison Akamnonu will be more than up to that task. They’re in their third year of the program, and Coach Whitt has had nothing but top tier feedback during the workout program.

Jordan Davis: Well I like the inside receivers this year everyone….

EVERYONE: Are you new?

Jordan Davis: Yeah, don’t you remember I played here like two years ago.

Everyone: head nods

Kliff: Yeah, this is Jordan, we’re excited he’ll be helping us this fall.

Jared Kaster: Hey, I’m pretty new as well. But everyone here should know me, too.

Brandon Jones: Man Jared, I wish I could have you on my line this year. You were key when DeAndre Washington had that unreal season.

Jared Kaster: I guess we can look into doctoring my birth certificate?

Kliff: Ok, no. We’re still happy that you’re on the staff Jared. I think you’ll do a ton for the O-Line this year and Coach Jones said you’ve already done wonders with Starwars.

Zach Kittley: If everyone is getting a say in this meeting, I just want to add that I’m really excited about Jett Duffey and all the other QBs on this roster. By the way, thanks for stealing Xavier Martin, Emmett. I felt like he was maybe the fastest quarterback we’ve ever come through.

Emmett Jones: Hey, sorry I’m not sorry. He needs to get on the field, and I’m not here to hold anyone back.

Kliff: Like I said earlier, we’ll be sure to get Xavier work everywhere, so he’s not set to any one position right now.

Zach Kittley: You promise?

Emmett Jones: Zach, get over yourself, he’s mine.

Kliff: Everyone, stop it, we’ve gotta come up with a game plan.

Eric Morris: Well, I’ll be the eye in the sky, everyone else - just do you.

Kliff: Are we cool for me to still call plays? Shimonek and I are boys, and let’s be real - we’re gonna be Top 5 Nationally this year. I’ve been looking into Eastern Washington, and they’re actually pretty good this year. They wound up beating Washington State last year in Pullman.

Emmett Jones: If you could hear what my guys were saying just yesterday. We think they’re going to have the guts to cover us in man coverage. I hope Nick is ready to let it fly because we’ll be responsible for at least seven touchdowns that first week.

Jabar Juluke: That’s a great thought there Emmett, but when Brandon is opening up giant lanes - I have a feeling we’ll be housing more than a few runs that particular Saturday. I’d be willing to compromise with you and let Justin Stockton get some slot work.

Emmett Jones: Oh that’s interesting.

Kliff: I’ve thought about that a lot, and we could get interesting there. Sounds like everyone knows what we need to do though?

Everyone: Nodding of approval

Kliff: Great meeting, sounds like we’re top five already, and I appreciate you taking the time today.