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Monday Matador Mailbag 4.25.16

Answering all of your burning Texas Tech questions.

Michael C. Johnson-USA TODAY Sports

God, I wish I knew. That sure was a beating. Hopefully it'll be a good wake up call for our guys to get their minds right before next weekend.

We head into Abilene Christian needing to get some stuff straightened out before a huge weekend series with TCU. If we take the series win over TCU, we will more than likely win the Big XII outright. Unfortunately, TCU is pretty good. Luken Baker scares the absolute crap out of me, but I ultimately think he's beatable.

That being said, we have to get correct after a bad, bad, bad loss yesterday.

All of my friends know me as the "Hockey Guy", the guy who knows everything about Hockey that there is to know. You take the stick, you see, and you hit the puck with it at varying speeds. If you want to pass the puck, it's probably not wise to slap the crap out of it. If you want to shoot the puck at the net, you should probably consider hitting it very hard!

I like Hockey, because it's a sport of violence played on ice skates. It's like "hey, we're going to pound on each other with knives on our feet. Hope we don't all get our throats cut!". It's nonsensical, and I like my sports to not make sense. It's part of the reason why I like football, it's a bunch of pseudo-cyborgs crashing into each other at stupid speeds.

The Dallas Stars are #ELITE.

We're going Power 5, no questions asked.

You can come at this from many different angles. You can talk about how competitive our sports teams have been in the past. You can look at the human interest behind figures like Kliff Kingsbury or Chris Beard coming home. You can look at Patrick Mahomes's ability to make games exciting. You can take historical rivalries with the old SWC into effect. Texas Tech has some value there, but that's not why it's getting in.

In the end, the only thing that matters is money, and Texas Tech is valuable. In 2015, the Wall Street Journal named Texas Tech the #25 most valuable college football program in the nation. Partially due to Kirby Hocutt, Texas Tech is 2nd in the conference for alumni donators and total funds raised. Money talks. We could go 0-infinity in every sport but still land in a Power 5 conference if the money is right.

SILLY QUESTIONS:

Hold your ground! Hold your ground! Sons of the South Plains! Of West Texas! My brothers!

I see in your eyes, the same fear that would take the heart of me!

A day may come when the hilarity of this joke may fail, when we forsake our mirth, and become really self-important!

BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY!

An hour of wolves, and shattered shields when the age of Internet jokes comes crashing down!

BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY!

THIS DAY, WE FIGHT!

By all that you hold dear on this good earth, I bid you STAND! MEN OF THE WEST!

editor's note: Not apologizing at all for the terrible photoshop.