I did this last season, and had some success getting the attention of the football gods. After last night, no one needs an angel in the outfield more than our secondary. So, I am folding my hands once again and asking for some spiritual juju to survive this year.
Oh merciful Masters of the First Down Marker, we are truly blessed that any football is being played at all. It seems selfish to ask more of you, but after a mere FCS bottom feeder boat raced our secondary we have no choice but to ask for your help.
Great Referees in the Sky, please allow our corners to stick to receivers like glue. Or at the very least, may the wide open opponents trip and fall as your Turf Monster claims another victim. May opposing quarterbacks always hear the footsteps and panic.
No secondary needs your loving embrace more, Oh True Commissioners, than our secondary. Please have mercy on us the fans, who sacrifice wings and beer to you every Saturday in hopes of a victory. We have suffered so long, may you please lift the Curse of Leach and let our program leave the Netherworld.
We know the Fun Belt has done much to please you, but may your loving gaze please fall on our team. With your guiding hand, Masters of the Sports Bar Where the Wings are Always Fresh, we know our terrible secondary will improve to just be bad.
In your name, Only Beings Who Know What Catch Is, we humbly ask this.