Oh great and wise football gods, you are about to bless the land with the great game of football. May this season bring both the excitement and twitter arguments we have all desperately waited so long for.
If it pleases you, the referees in the sky who never need instant replay, may you intervene to help our poor place kickers this season. Grant Matt Wells a reason to be confident in their abilities, so that he can actually talk about the kickers without shame. When we close our eyes and hold our breaths as these athletes (using the term loosely) strike the ball, may the goal posts widen ever so slightly to embrace the ball between their arms.
Please humbly bless our punters with the accuracy of snipers, and may every bounce be friendly. Let their timing be perfect, so no speedy dude can block their kick. If it is your collective will, may our punter play like the MVP without actually being a game’s MVP.
Lastly, please never let a game be decided by a missed PAT ever again. We beg of you, often cruel masters of the scoreboard, to not ruin all of our days with such a fate ever again.
We ask this all in your name, the True Commissioners of all football leagues real and virtual, Amen.