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The Anti-Preview: No. 9 Texas Tech vs No. 2 Virginia

Texas Tech has NEVER seen... you know, nevermind

TODAY IS THE DAY!

Championship Monday has arrived and it couldn’t come a day sooner. Seriously, the guys needed their rest. We went punch for punch against Coach Beard’s bar-of-toughness Michigan State Spartans and prevailed by double-digits! Lubbock may have rioted, and sure, some guys tried to scam their way into insurance money for a car that was already totaled, but you know what? We had fun. Now lets pause for cinematic beauty:

Okay, come back to reality. We have one more game. One more fight. One more chance for a team to have an off night against us. We’re staring in the face at a team that has scraped by on some luck, some cheeseball teams, and a hell of a lot of defense. Now we’re facing another strong defense with a great coach in theeeeeeeeee...

VIRGINIA HOOS-ENWATSITS

NCAA Basketball: Final Four-Semifinals-Virginia vs Auburn Bob Donnan-USA TODAY Sports

You ever wonder what the hell is up with the name the Hoos? I mean, their mascot is a cavalier but the common vernacular is the “hoos.” So I think - hm. Maybe if I crunch the word it’ll work. Cava...lieeehoooos. Cahoooovaliers. Hooovaliers. No, Lord, I tried. The story we heard is that hoos is short for “wahoos,” which isn’t just a tight taco spot in Austin, but also a once derogatory term used against Virginia. Back in the 1890s (I’m not kidding) apparently the Virginia fanbase got pretty rowdy and some gentleman had the audacity to say “you guys are just a bunch of wahoos!” Tough stuff. Virginia hasn’t recovered since and they’ve taken the name “hoos” to heart. Well looks like all our time for talking basketball is up - on to the good stuff!

WHAT SHOULD YOU BE DRINKING

Normally we want to focus on things that either make a mockery of the other team, bring light to a new location, or just baffle you with something spectacular - but this one is special. With the entire state of Texas being represented on the big stage tonight, it only makes sense that we kick it back to the Texan-favorites.

WHAT A BURGER! Except, that’s the next section. Whataburger is the lifeblood of the Texan heart. Coach Beard has made it obvious that a key part of the champion diet is the milkshake, and what better representation of Texas than Whataburger’s new Dr. Pepper milkshake? Everything you love about Dr. Pepper and everything you love about milkshakes brought together for a beautiful marriage. When Moretti is draining threes over Virginia’s defense, you’re gonna want something sweet to remember the moment by.

WHAT SHOULD YOU BE EATING

WHAT A BURGER - okay, we’re here for real this time. What is better to have with a Dr. Pepper milkshake than the patented Whataburger? Coach Beard let the nation know in last year’s March Madness that his go-to order is simple:

Number one with mustard, pickle, cheese only. That’t it! Don’t complicate it, people. Texas is a once-country that thrives off of no frills hard work, and the Coach Beard number one is reminiscent of that. Don’t let non-Texans try to convince you that their burger joint is better. It’s not... if it was then we would have heard about it already. Whataburger is the shit. NEXT.

BEST THING ABOUT THE GAME

This is the NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP GAME! The last game of the season PERIOD. Texas Tech has taken doubt all year long and created historic success. In his THIRD year at Texas Tech, Coach Beard has pushed this team through grit and grind to have them on the biggest stage in college basketball. Texas Tech fans have waited decades for a moment like this, and it’s finally come to fruition. Whatever happens tonight, be proud Red Raider fans. These men have given everything to get us here and that’s what it means to wear the Double-T.

FIVE THINGS TO DISLIKE VIRGINIA

  1. Kyle Guy might have lied about the NCAA and his wedding registry for some clout

2. They thought it would be better that they beat Gardner Webb than to lose to two good-boy mascot universities in back-to-back tournaments. VIRGINIA CONFIRMED DOG HATERS.

3. Ah... who cares, THIS IS THE CHAMPIONSHIP BABY.

LETS RIDE, ONE LAST TIME!