Close your eyes and go to your happy place. Now open up and realize that you’re already there! Texas Tech, recently moving into the top 25, played an absolutely complete game against Oklahoma State winning 41-17. The defense - receiving it’s share of criticism - shut down the prolific offense of the Cowboys that was averaging around fifty a game.

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Breaking the seventeen year drought of winning in Stillwater and nine year drought of beating Oklahoma State, Tech hasn’t looked better. Earning high praise from sports pundits like Kirk Herbstreit has put the Red Raiders into the national spotlight. The problem is that we have a pattern of dramatic entrances followed by dramatic exits. Bearded Kingsbury is going to have to pull it all together again when facing off against the....

MOONSHINE BUMPKINS

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Hailing from the Western direction of OG Virginia, the moonshine bumpkins are Texas Tech’s greatest challenge thus far. Led by L’Oréal quarterback Will Grier and long time freinds-except-one-weekend-out-of-the-year Coach Holgorson, the moonshine bumpkins have made some waves this season. They beat the second to worst team in the SEC, abused Youngstown State (bullying is wrong), skipped their NC State match up and then walloped a increasingly unimpressive Kansas State team - consider me scared. In all seriousness Grier will probably be the best quarterback that Tech will have to face this season. In no seriousness let’s get onto the stuff that matters.

WHAT SHOULD YOU BE DRINKING

It’s simple.

It’s time to break open the moonshine! This clear, unaged whiskey is iconic to the history of the Appalachia region and the greater social history of the United States. Back in the whenever we did that thing where we banned all the alcohol, these crazy mountain people said “no that’s dumb” and decided to make it themselves. In doing so we got some super awesome things like Nascar and then movies like Lawless. Luckily with the passing of time this illegal practice was made profitable after the reinstatement of alcohol sales, meaning you can find a good batch (that doesn’t make you blind) at almost every liquor store!

If you buy it and decide you don’t like it, usually you can use it for a quick source of fuel in your car.

WHAT SHOULD YOU BE EATING

The broadcasting gods saw fit to place our game in the morning and by Kliff’s beard we will deal appropriately! For a mountain-sized challenged we will need a mountain sized breakfast; I’m talking Paul Bunyan style pancakes, people. My go-to? Kodiak Cakes. These light but perfectly fluffy pancakes are made with ground-grain and will make you turn your nose up to trash brands like [everything except Kodiak Cakes]. If you eat less than five pancakes before the game, you’ve failed me. Pro tip: eating a lot of pancakes will help you drink more of the drinky-drinks.

BEST THING ABOUT THE GAME

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Texas Tech has every reason to be excited for this match up. Top twenty-five rankings, it is in Lubbock, the beard is still growing and it seems like we’re where we wanted to be all along. It’s understanding for Red Raider fans to have caution following big success and move into the top-25, but I support the silent optimism. The offense quickly went from a question mark to an exclamation mark after Alan Bowman took the reigns. We have a slew of receivers who are more than capable of making big plays. Our running backs are also interchangeable yet similarly proficient. The defense, with return of Jah’Shawn Johnson, looked miles ahead of where they were week one. You see? There’s a lot to like about this Tech squad, and this weekend will expose weak areas in each of these as well as emphasize the stronger areas.

FIVE REASONS TO DISLIKE WEST VIRGINIA

1. John freaking Denver. This guy shares a unique history with Texas Tech and the state of West Virginia. West Virginia University adopted the popular “Take Me Home, Country Roads” in which John Denver paid homage to West Virginia’s Appalachia scenery (which is certainly nice!). The convoluted affiliation, however, created a rift between the two universities over who had more claim on the late folk singer. Davis Webb even got in on the action back in 2013 after the Red Raiders beat the Mountaineers 37-27, tweeting this:

Since then, John Denver finds his way back into the conversation when Texas Tech and West Virginia gear up to face each other.

2. West Virginia players have it out for our die-hard fans. Remember when we upset the Mountaineers on the hardwood, the fans stormed the court and then Wesley Harris punched a student? Maybe a quick reminder how Texas Tech was fined $25,000 for the court storming will ring the bell.

3. Stop dragging us down!

4. No. 3 probably is a result of this item from “things people from West Virginia have to explain to out-of-towners.”

*shudders*

5. West Virginia fans are very adamant about venting their frustrations, and it may or may not be causing furniture prices to sky rocket! In response to the fans love of arson, West Virginia University put out a PSA to try and combat the issue. It didn’t.

AT THE END OF THE DAY

That is all.

Wreck West Virginia.