It’s that time again! Wed-nes-DAY. Which, to be frank, I never understood the phonetics of it since we say it like “wensday.” Either way tomorrow is Thursday which means Texas Tech football! Yes! You’ve waited a whole bye week that couldn’t have come at a better time. Alan Bowman is reportedly on the mend, TJ Vasher is back, and sadly... the beard is gone.

Photo by John Weast/Getty Images

Following the loss against West Virginia, Coach Kingsbury said goodbye to the bearded alter-ego but not to the lessons he learned along the way. The second half of the West Virginia game showed incredible promise on both sides of the ball - sans a knife in the back pick-six. Moving forward we’re facing off against a team that’s always given Tech a wild game, and without knowing who will be starting under center that’s sure to play out again. Whose that we’re playing? Well I am glad you asked because it is the infamously underwhelminggggggg...

MISLABELED LIZARDS

Photo by Tom Pennington/Getty Images

Let’s get it absolutely straight: a horned frog is in no shape or form amphibious like, say, a frog. It’s a short-horned lizard, and much like it’s teacup size the TCU mislabeled lizards have been less than overhwelming this year.

Their prime match up against Ohio State provided a substantial opportunity for TCU and the Big 12 to nab a signature win that would move them up the power index. Since that third quarter meltdown, TCU just hasn’t seemed to fully get back into their daunting shape. The scary thing is that it could happen tomorrow - it could! But then again who really cares because everything about the actual game is worth nothing to me in this article. Let’s get on to that good stuff!

WHAT SHOULD YOU BE DRINKING?

Since it’s spooky season AND we’re playing TCU... it made sense to introduce to all of you: the Purple People Eater Cocktail. It’s purple for the mislabeled lizards and it’s got a spooky name because October or something. Anyways here’s how you make it, I hope you try it and let me know - because honestly this is too much work for a drink.

Ingredients:

• simple syrup optional - can use water or juice instead
• Smoosh some purple sprinkles to make “purple sugar”
• 1 1/2 part vodka (or a lot more, why not)
• 1 part blue curacao
• 1 part sweet and sour mix
• 1 part grenadine
• 1 part cranberry juice (no not grape juice, DON’T DOUBT ME)

Directions:

On a small plate, add purple sugar. Wet the rim of a glass with whatever and gently dab the top the glass in the purple sugar, coating the rim. Combine vodka, blue curacao, sweet and sour mix, grenadine, and cranberry juice in a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake until it’s all gotten well acquainted with each other. Then fill the sugar-coated glass with ice & pour that purple people eater cocktail mix into the glass. There ya go, something spooky and boozy.

WHAT SHOULD YOU BE EATING?

What looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, but isn’t called chicken? Frog legs. Listen here, people get up in a bunch about frog legs and I am here to promise you that when you batter and cook them (or just bake them) they come out almost identical to chicken wings. If you’re going to Ft. Worth for the game there is a number of restaurants that have frog legs on the menu. Try some! If you’re hanging around in Lubbock - you’ll have a near impossible time finding them. I don’t even think I’ve seen a frog in Lubbock. Check the pet store.

BEST THING ABOUT THE GAME

It’s Thursday night (so a lot of people waiting for football will feel compelled to watch our game), there’s a lot of questions that will be addressed in this game, we’ll get to see if the beard should have stayed, and other stuff along the way. My personal take on the best thing about the game is that we have a real shot to be 4-2 before we face Kansas (5-2?)... there’s a possibility of some special things here!

FIVE REASONS TO DISLIKE TCU

1. September 26, 2015. Get pissed all over again.

2. TCU fans are filled to the brim with hate when it comes to Texas Tech and their fan base. Going so far, often, to over dramatize situations to bolster their own narrative. Surely I understand the banter between fan bases, but TCU gets a semi when it comes to putting down Texas Tech and the fans. I won’t declare anything but I presume their belief of being a poor man’s ivy-league somehow necessitates seeing Tech as neanderthal. One internet treasure below:

3. Remember that one time TCU made national news after seventeen TCU students or so got busted in a drug-ring? Chumps.

4. The hand sign that TCU has adopted is not only difficult to preform, but it gives you arthritis in the process. I will always be thankful for the simple Guns Up, which also doubles easily as a signal for the many first downs we will achieve tomorrow.

5. Coach Patterson is petty as hell!

AT THE END OF THE DAY

Football is a week-to-week kind of game, and that certainly rings true being in the Big 12. Texas Tech and TCU have had one of the more entertaining match ups and I expect that to be the case tomorrow. Either way this one swings (Tech will win), I just hope both teams have fun. (I hope Tech makes TCU cry)