The Red Raiders are building up a c-list pirated version of the Nike commercials where everything comes down to the wire and the star athlete makes the play to seal the championship. Nic Shimonek had one atrocious game last weekend against a tough TCU defense, and we all left the stadium/television sets with a bad taste of not getting a man in the end zone. Despite putting up a valiant effort, the Texas Tech defense was left gassed by the end of the third quarter, which set up TCU to cruise to a 27-3 victory in Lubbock.

Photo by John Weast/Getty Images

The staff here at VTM would like to wish you a happy Thanksgiving and let you know we are thankful for our basketball team, our health, our jobs, our meat judging team and finally…that THERE IS ONE MORE WEEK OF FOOTBALL. Heck’n swell, friends. Last game of the regular season, bowl eligibility on the line, will we make it? If we do, it’s going to come at the expense of big-time rival, small-time football team theeeeeee…

TEXAS PATTYMELTS

Ben Queen-USA TODAY Sports

What? Their mascot is a walking meat market, what am I supposed to say? The Texas football team has experienced their own woes this season with questions at quarterback, settling in a new head coach, and determining if they’re ready to be BACK. Despite all this, though, they have collected enough wins to support bowl eligibility and are sitting well to end their season 7-5.

After some quality air time with our friends on the Horns Podcast, you would be surprised how unsure the Texas fan base is about this game coming up on Friday. They must remember what happened the last time Texas Tech was in town. Because there is so much going on with matchups, hot seats, my blood sugar levels, we’re going to get this anti-preview ROLLING.

WHAT SHOULD YOU BE DRINKING?

Thank the creator for a night-game. With a gift such as this, it would make sense we mark the occasion with a drink. If you’re going to be traveling to Austin for the game, then you have a crazy number of bars to choose from. Some of my favorite are HandleBar, Whisler’s and the Mean Eyed Cat. If you’re staying home for this one and enjoying it from the comfort of your couch, then there’s one solid suggestion I would give you:

The Old Fashioned

A classic of the rugged western rover. Well, when Texas was as west as it got. Here’s how to make it:

In an Old Fashioned glass, muddle bitters, sugar, an orange wheel, cherry and a splash of soda.

Remove the orange rind, add bourbon and fill with ice.

Garnish with a fresh orange wheel and cherry.

Welcome to a taste of sitting on the porch after a long and successful day.

WHAT SHOULD YOU BE EATING?

Keeping with the Anti-Preview theme of national foods of the day, November 24th would plague us with national sardines day… seriously? Bump that. Because this week is Thanksgiving and we’ll all be in a food coma come Friday, I will suggest something light to bring you back from the cozy grips of turkey death.

Delicious, fatty, meat packed hamburger. You thought I’d let the Texas beefsteaks slide by without hazing their mascot? With beef being one of the main agricultural exports of this state, it makes sense we all do our patriotic duty to the great Texas Republic and eat our weight in beef. Also, if you think about it: the more hamburger we eat, the more cows they have to put through the ringer…maybe eventually they’ll take Bevo out back (if you know what I mean). Whatever your choice, don’t listen to the Chick-fil-a commercials…eat beef. Here’s a pissed off turkey.

WHAT IS THE BEST THING ABOUT THE GAME?

If the fact that it is Texas Tech versus Texas isn’t good enough for you, then you shouldn’t have visited VTM this week. With fairly unimpressive seasons from each team, both the Red Raiders and the Hamburger Helpers are looking to end their seasons on a good note. For Texas Tech, extending their season past this weekend would be a monumental step in the right direction. For Texas, they’re really trying to rally together to make another championship run (because they think since they’ve done it once, it should happen every year). This game has all the makings of swinging the Red Raiders into some kind of positive mood again or further down into the pit of misery. Dilly dilly.

FIVE(+) REASONS TO DISLIKE UT AUSTIN

-with guest picks!

1. You can just about buy that heinous burnt orange gear at any Walmart across America. You created the t-shirt fan, UT, you did this.

2. Charlie Strong is, in my opinion, one of the better coaches in college football. Taking a crumpled program and building it up takes a while, but UT boosters weren’t having it and fired him after three seasons. Now his USF team is 9-1 and UT is still 6-5. Maybe there’s something to learn here.

3. Tom Herman is a shape shifter. I’m serious guys, don’t trust him.

4. “Burnt orange is one of the stupidest colors known to man, who brags about an overcooked hue?” – @Mr_AlbieShore

5. “Fans are the least enthusiastic fans in all of college sports. They fill the stadium with 100,000 fans and it is still quiet as...I don’t know, name a noun.” - @ZachMasonSports

6. “They retire numbers of players who play for one season.” – @HoopsEsquire

7. “UT has delusions of grandeur, believe they’re on Alabama and Ohio state’s level when they have the same number of Nattys as Minnesota and a Reggie Bush fumble away from having zero Nattys in the past 45 years.” - @Mr_AlbieShore

8. “It’s one letter away from UTI. Also Jessep Towne sucks.” - @SarahHarris194

9. “THE LONGHORN NETWORK, thanks for ruining ESPN and our conference. Pac-16 here we come.” – @PumpkinTTU

10. “Texas is back.” - @dillonrtharris

AT THE END OF THE DAY

There will always be next season. Texas Tech will come out in 2018 with a new identity at QB, 10 returning starters on defense, and some powerful offensive weapons. If you’re still bothered about the coaching situation, then you need to get on the Matthew McConaughey Quaalude train. If KK is going to be here next year you know he will be putting his best into this program because he actually loves it. If the AD decides to make a business decision and find someone else to fill that role, then we’ll move onto a new chapter in the program. That’s as simple as it gets and if you don’t like it too bad- it’s not your job, man. It’s. Not. Your. Job.