50. Oklahoma: For obvious reasons.
49. Illinois: Too crowded, cold, and probably all-around miserable.
48. New Jersey: Nasty beaches, anyone?
45 – 47. Rhode Island, Vermont, and Delaware: Interchangeable worthlessness.
44. South Dakota: Have literally nothing to say about South Dakota.
43. North Dakota: Better football than South Dakota.
42. Mississippi: Not as good as Alabama at football.
41. Alabama: Better than Mississippi at football.
40. Arkansas: Texas’ only neighbor where gambling isn’t legal and way too many mosquitos.
39. Maryland: Barely better than #45 – #47.
37 and 38. Wyoming and Idaho: What’s the difference?
36. Michigan: Gross.
35. Kansas: A poor man’s Nebraska.
34. Alaska: Barely counts as a state and it’s way too cold, but scenery is great.
32 and 33. Kentucky and West Virginia: Same thing
31. Indiana: A step up from Kentucky and West Virginia.
30. Montana: Probably has some good ranches. Whatever.
29. Wisconsin: A poor man’s Minnesota.
28. Connecticut: As worthless as the rest of New England but it's known as "The Constitution State".
27. New Hampshire: Awesome state motto, "Live Free or Die", but otherwise completely worthless.
26. Maine: As worthless as the rest of New England but with great lobster.
25. Georgia: Everything bad about Florida with far less upside.
24. Nevada: 99% worthless desert, 1% Las Vegas. That 1% goes a long way.
23. Iowa: Decent state. No real upside but no real downside.
22. Massachusetts: As worthless as the rest of New England but at least it has Boston.
21. Arizona: The epitome of mediocre.
20. Utah: The Great Salt Lake is pretty cool.
19. Missouri: A step above mediocrity.
18. Ohio: Hasn’t won a professional sports championship in
fifty something years two weeks.
17. Nebraska: Cool name, and Omaha is underrated.
14 – 16. Virginia, North Carolina, and South Carolina: Pretty much the same, decent states.
13. Washington: A poor man’s Oregon. Seattle not quite as cool as Portland, a little colder than Oregon, etc.
12. Pennsylvania: Lots of history and entertainment.
11. California: Great vacation spot, but the cost of living is too high.
10. Colorado: An all-around solid state.
9. New Mexico: Underrated neighbor of Texas, great for skiing and getting away for a long weekend.
8. Louisiana: A tad muggy, but great architecture, history, culture, etc. Texas’ best neighbor
7. Tennessee: Perhaps the most underrated state in the union. Music history alone makes it top 10.
6. Minnesota: Grandfather is from here and I root for their pro sports teams, so realistically they shouldn’t be this high but whatever.
5. Oregon: Cool name, Portland is awesome, and lots of natural beauty.
4. New York: Only because of New York City.
3. Florida: Beaches everywhere, great orange juice, and a Waffle House on every block. What's not to like?
2. Hawaii: It’s as cool as it looks on TV and in the movies.
1. Texas: If you thought it was going to be anything else, shame on you.
Happy Independence Day, everyone. Even if you hate this list, please respect that I was able to list all 50 states without having to look any of them up to remember.
2 - 49. Whatever
Seriously, be safe and enjoy the holiday.