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Divide 'Em Up

We need to decide how we're going to divide up the Big 12. I for one don't really enjoy breaking up schools and teams by geography. Who do we think we are, Magellan?

Thomas B. Shea-USA TODAY Sports

The Big 12 has solved some serious issues this summer. Bringing back the title game in 2017 so that they *actually* have "One True Champion." The discussion of expansion is actually gaining some momentum, to the point that some schools are almost campaigning to become part of the Big 12. Also, they decided against any type of network, because, eh hem, previous attempts by other parties have not panned out as planned.

However, the one major issue they haven’t settled is how to divide up the new divisions that will help create a Big 12 title game. Let’s see how many ways we can break ten in half.

*North vs. South - This is the most generic and probable way of splitting up the conference. It basically boils down to five old Southwest Conference schools in the South and Oklahoma State and the northern schools in the North. The Cowboys, based upon recent history, look like they would have a pretty solid shot at getting to the championship game almost every season.

-Southern Hospitality Division-



-Texas Tech



-Santa Claus Division-

-Oklahoma State

-Kansas St

-Iowa State


-West Virginia

-Source - latitude

*Media Market Size - This one goes along with how many newspapers, television stations and radio stations follow and cover the team. It’s very similar to North vs. South except Tech is traded for Iowa State. Don’t worry LBK’ers, the Avalanche-Journal is a solid paper and I interned at KKAM-FM on the "Williams and Hyatt Show," so you know it’s good. Also, if you consider Lawrence and Manhattan as "Kansas City" then we need to move Iowa State and Baylor into the Rather Division.

-Walter Cronkite Division-

-TCU - Dallas/Ft. Worth - #5

-Texas - Austin - #39

-Oklahoma - Oklahoma City - #43

-Iowa State -Des Moines/Ames - #73

-Baylor - Waco/Temple/Bryan - #87

-Dan Rather Division-

-Texas Tech - Lubbock

-Kansas - Lawrence

-West Virginia - Morgantown

-Oklahoma State - Stillwater

-Kansas State - Manhattan

Source: Station Index


*City Names - This one goes by the name of the city each school is located in. Don’t judge me. Basically, four of them were straight forward and then I had to stretch it a bit to make it one work. This setup basically projects Iowa State to give up 75 points a game against the four teams in their division.

-Birth Certificate Worthy Division-





-Manhattan (streeeeeetch)

-Please Don’t Name Your Kid That Division-



-Ft Worth



-Source: Baby book

varsity blues.jpg

*By student enrollment (Texas High school football style) - This one is simple and for those of us from Texas, pretty familiar. If all of these schools were 6A, this is how they would be separated into divisions. Instead of a 2,500 enrollment cutoff, it appears 27,000 is the difference between "big" schools and "small" schools. Kansas State joins Oklahoma and Lone Star State schools, while Texas takes their whopping 50+ thousand enrollment all over America.

-Varsity Blues Division-

-Baylor - 16k

-TCU - 10k

-Kansas State - 24

-Oklahoma State - 25k

-Oklahoma - 27k

-Friday Night Lights Division-

-Kansas - 27k

-West Virginia - 29k

-Iowa State - 34k

-Texas Tech - 35k

-Texas - 51k
-Source: Counted people at each campus


*By Highways - Instead of using I-35 as the dividing line, I made it the focal point of one division and left all the "84s" and "70s" to the other group. This one is simply divided by teams that have campuses off I-35 and those that don’t. This exercise made me realize that the annual UT-Iowa State game could actually be called the "Battle of I-35."

-Left Lane is for Passing Only Division-





-Iowa St

-Take a Right at the Stop Light Division-

-Texas Tech

-Oklahoma State


-Kansas State

-West Virginia

Source: A map

*By color - This one divides the Big 12 into warm colors and cold colors. I put West Virginia in the coolers colors because their logo is mostly blue, even though you mainly think of them in yellow. Despite the Big 12 breaking into two divisions, much like a Skittles bag, everyone will taste the rainbow. I also enjoy the rivalries of Kansas State/Kansas and Baylor/TCU having some added "color spectrum" appeal in the mix. There will also be a rule that Texas and Oklahoma State must both wear solid orange uniforms when they face off. We’ll call it the "Push Pop Bowl."

-Financial Institutions Division-

-Baylor (green)

-Kansas (blue)

-TCU (purple)

-Kansas State (purple)

-West Virginia (blue)

-Fast Food Restaurants Division-

-Texas (orange)

-Tech (scarlet)

-OU (crimson)

-Ok State (orange)

-Iowa State (red)

Source: Paint samples at Lowes

*By mascot - Man vs. Beast might be my favorite division method of all of them. Mainly because I was proud of myself that I somehow got five of each (I kind of cheated on Iowa State). Can you imagine all the inter-division puns that commentators would be able to use. "Tonight, a battle of Nature vs. Nurture…"

-Man (and Mother Nature) Division-

-Texas Tech Red Raiders

-Oklahoma State Cowboys

-Iowa State Cyclones

-West Virginia Mountaineers

-Oklahoma Sooners

-Beasts (and Birds) Division-

-Baylor Bears

-TCU Horned Frogs

-Kansas Jayhawks

-Kansas State Wildcats

-Texas Longhorns

*University Acceptance Rates- Pretty self explanatory. How difficult is it to get into each school in the Big 12. Let’s be honest, when your team loses, you immediately go to, " least I go to a real school, everybody gets into

-It’s my Backup School Division-

-West Virginia - 85%

-Kansas State - 94%

-Kansas - 91%

-Iowa State - 86%

-Oklahoma - 81%

-While We Appreciate Your Interest in Our University, We Regret to Inform You...Division"

-Texas - 39%

-Texas Tech - 66%

-Oklahoma State - 74%

-TCU - 48%

-Baylor - 54%


*By school yard 3 pointers - Simple. Just like on the school yard, the first five schools to make a three pointer are on one team, the other five scrubs have to play together on the other team. I stole last season’s 3-point percentages for each team to divide them up. This might be the only time when Kansas fans say "just wait until basketball season," that the threat is actually helpful during football season.

-Steph Curry Division-

-Oklahoma - 42%

-Kansas - 41%

-Iowa State - 38%

-Baylor - 36%

-Texas Tech - 34%

-LeBron James Division-

-Texas - 34%

-TCU - 33%

-Oklahoma State - 32%

-West Virginia - 32%

-Kansas State - 30%


*Rich vs the poor - I honestly believe this would be the fairest way to divide up the ten schools, mainly because it would pit the major money making programs against each other, while the "poorer" (they’re still banking) schools could battle it out against each other.

-Make it Rain Division-

-Texas - $183 million

-OU - $134 million

-Baylor - $106 million

-Oklahoma State - $95 million

-Kansas - $91 million

-Robin Hood Division-

-West Virginia - $90 million

-Texas Tech - $80 million

-TCU - $80 million

-Iowa State - $75 million

-Kansas State - $75 million

Source: USA Today

*City is known for/Chief export - This one I probably had to do the most research on. My apologies to the good people of Manhattan, Morgantown, Ames and Stillwater, but I have no clue what you guys are known for other than the universities. So, if I missed on something that you guys have on your city crest or have bumper stickers for, my apologies. Even though Tech is in the "Good and Services Division," I’m kind of digging the "Eats and Entertainment."

-Eats and Entertainment Division-

-Stillwater - Eskimo Joes

-Morgantown - moonshine

-Waco - Dr Pepper

-Austin - live music

-Ft. Worth - Stockyards

-Good and Services Division-

-Lubbock - cotton

-Lawrence - basketball players

-Manhattan - Ft. Riley

-Ames - the post it note

-Norman - national weather service

I wholeheartedly believe the powers that be in the Big 12 will take all of my separation suggestions to heart and will indeed use one of them to divide the Big 12. Please let it be Man vs. Beast.