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Loophole Proves Profitable For Tech Offense

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We can all admit that negative yards are what kill us in football. With Patty Ice scrambling around in the backfield, sacks are all but out of the question. That leaves penalties. However the entire team has adopted a strange new strategy...

Thomas B. Shea-USA TODAY Sports

I assume that everyone reading this is aware of two facts; We (Texas Tech) like to hold on pass plays and if someone declares "no offense" whatever they say after that can't be considered offensive. Simple stuff kids.

Now allegedly head coach Kliff Kingsbury came up with this game-changing strategy after hearing the phrase used for the first time in his life (let's face it, nobody has ever tried to offend Kliff before...). By simply altering the concept, the entire line is free to declare "no penalty" at the start of any play.

After placing the disclaimer anything they do cannot be considered a penalty! While the idea hasn't been tested in the field yet, the coaching staff is fairly certain the Big12 referees will fall for it. This is the secondary version of the idea, the first being the entire sideline screaming "no offense!" when ever we get the ball. As one can imagine this could have proved counter-productive at away games.

As far as the current plan, skeptics warn that this could destroy the game and cause audiences to stop participating. Others claim that it will annihilate our current offensive power and leaves us hopeless. To both of these accusations I would point out how much everyone loved The Longest Yard movies.