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Chasing Windmills

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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.” ― George Carlin

I will take your ass down, windmill.
I will take your ass down, windmill.
Bryn Lennon

Regular readers know that I have two primary goals in life:

  1. Destroy Wikipedia
  2. Invent something
Everything else is gravy. The interviews, the press credentials, the twitter wars, it's all gravy to me. My real focus in life is to someday laugh aloud atop the smoldering ashes of what was once Wikipedia and to invent something that the people find useful. My war with wiki will never end, and my quest to get a trademark keeps me awake at night.

Last night was no different. I had just crawled into bed to watch Paw Patrol with my boys for the 784th time when my mind began to wander. I was thinking about a convenient way to store my flask but didn't want to look nerdy with a fanny pack, so I needed something different. I yawned, looked at my watch and rolled over.

And that's when it hit me. I had found my Edison Opus.

But before the big reveal, let's look back at some prior attempts.

First, there was the peanut butter & jelly spreader. Tremendous concept. Who wants to mix their peanut butter with their jelly because you have to dip the same knife twice? Not me, that's for sure.


The PB&JSK is also very versatile.



Then we came up with a mustard spreader for all your corndogs. Also very versatile.





For the life of me I still can't figure out why I haven't sold a single one yet.

Anyway, I knew this new thing rolling around in my head was different. So I did what any sensible inventor would do- I took to Twitter to announce my new invention, and peppered in a ton of TM's and copyrights and stuff so people would know I was serious. The response has been overwhelming.




And as expected, the reaction on social media started to percolate before quickly boiling over. Everyone was talking about the Wrist Fanny Pack.








So obviously the people have spoken. You better order your new Wrist Fanny Pack now for only $59.95 right now and I'll throw in another one for your other wrist for only $20 plus shipping and handling.

Don't get left behind!