Twitter Mashup: The Mark May Edition

Mark May was an All-American offensive lineman at the University of Pittsburg and later played 13 seasons in the NFL, mostly (and most famously) with the Washington Redskins. He was a member of the "Hogs" with the Redskins and and helped the franchise win 2 Super Bowls.

However, most people only know him as the clown that argues with Lou Holtz on ESPN, late at night in some sort of courtroom setting. Obviously his image needs a tweak.

So the Mother Ship wants to try something different. They want Mark to host a weekly talk show about any topic under the sun, modeled after The View. Mark will have two new partners: A person that he believes is Hall of Fame outfielder Rickey Henderson and a guy named Paranoid Jimmy (James). To give the show an international flair, there might be an occasional cameo from a chubby Australian swimmer.

Due to budget restraints, this exciting new trio (and all cameos) will host their kitchen table discussions exclusively on Twitter. Here's what that might look like.

Mark starts the show:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>It&#39;s drilling at game but great crowd It&#39;s drilling at game but great crowd</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/110865880338006016">September 6, 2011</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Rickey throws him off:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Ok am I the only person who just felt that earthquake?</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/335391096026828801">May 17, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Mark tries to regain his composure:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Watched</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/326107872691888129">April 21, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Friend</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/183409079601995776">March 24, 2012</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>OH yes he is elite</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/166354410853769217">February 6, 2012</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Especially Pony in his boots !</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/107129762442526720">August 26, 2011</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Rickey disagrees:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Can I get a hell no</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/355893687189913604">July 13, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Mark tries to clarify:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>I still say smart phones .....</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/111576034742251520">September 7, 2011</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Jimmy James reluctantly makes his debut and is real awkward:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>&quot;Hey, how are you?&quot; &quot;I&#39;m good, how are you?&quot; &quot;Good, you?&quot;</p>&mdash; Paranoid Jimmy (@Worrier) <a href="https://twitter.com/Worrier/statuses/355741478380769281">July 12, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>On my wat to Bristol</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/240974681199501312">August 30, 2012</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Here&#39;s a photo of Megan Fox and her pet pig <a href="http://t.co/v35XBZzdhd">http://t.co/v35XBZzdhd</a></p>&mdash; Paranoid Jimmy (@Worrier) <a href="https://twitter.com/Worrier/statuses/354684658241384449">July 9, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>OMG I swear I just saw the ghost of pretty boy Floyd</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/230891265301020672">August 2, 2012</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Here&#39;s a picture of the Kim kardashians pet monkey <a href="http://t.co/v35XBZzdhd">http://t.co/v35XBZzdhd</a></p>&mdash; Paranoid Jimmy (@Worrier) <a href="https://twitter.com/Worrier/statuses/355415914071601152">July 11, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Somebodys dancing won&#39;t say who</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/104641763469307904">August 19, 2011</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Rickey gets provocative, trying to win viewers:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>James just licked my face then spit in my coffee</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/356030504979537921">July 13, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Which makes Jimmy James really nervous:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Overhear someone say your name. HEART STARTS PUMPING VIOLENTLY.</p>&mdash; Paranoid Jimmy (@Worrier) <a href="https://twitter.com/Worrier/statuses/348946317441130496">June 23, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Mark and Rickey butt heads again:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Boy sweat pants are so much more comfortable than girl sweat pants</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/355067955714863104">July 10, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>P.S. Just maybe they aren&#39;t the problem</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/316575491438022656">March 26, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>So much internal anger brewing right now</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/353259107744088064">July 5, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Jimmy James breaks the tension in his weird way:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>didn&#39;t hear what they said. SMILE AND HOPE TO GOD IT WASN&#39;T A QUESTION.</p>&mdash; Paranoid Jimmy (@Worrier) <a href="https://twitter.com/Worrier/statuses/354065653541519361">July 8, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Rickey goes bat shit crazy because he wants to win the 18-34 demo:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>I&#39;m gonna get a Chinese exchange student and make him a huge badass dbag who gets all the bitches and does crack like it&#39;s nothing</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/352817111661416448">July 4, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Its just about happens every trip</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/351097972223778816">June 29, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Jimmy James is still nervous:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>&quot;Okay, see you later.&quot; WALKS IN THE SAME DIRECTION.</p>&mdash; Paranoid Jimmy (@Worrier) <a href="https://twitter.com/Worrier/statuses/351483383941038081">June 30, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Rickey tries to draw him back:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>To be honest I only talk to James so that I can see his dog</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/350652649168834562">June 28, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>friend is getting yelled at by parents. AWKWARDLY PET THE DOG</p>&mdash; Paranoid Jimmy (@Worrier) <a href="https://twitter.com/Worrier/statuses/349218467418882049">June 24, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>I just want 2 golf with James already fml</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/352606580841259008">July 4, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Mark can't get out of his own way:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Two</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/318564334894723072">April 1, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Golf game coming around prepping for Augusta played Bilmore yesterday Whisper Rock tomorrow</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/305024996206579713">February 22, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Rickey changes the subject:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>I AM A CHEF</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/334073132312842240">May 13, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Mark has obviously been drinking heavily:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>One of my favotit networks USA Burn Notice awesome Suits White Cillar Necessary Roughness Nice</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/302244793814220800">February 15, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

They make up:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Do you like hugs</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/331576246335053825">May 7, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Do like Southerns</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/246397736495226881">September 13, 2012</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

And Jimmy James brings it back to awkward:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Tries to take off sweater in class. Everything comes off.</p>&mdash; Paranoid Jimmy (@Worrier) <a href="https://twitter.com/Worrier/statuses/348221694491623424">June 21, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>How about that</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/264849234195513345">November 3, 2012</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Rickey knows how to handle this. ALL CAPS:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>YA&#39;LL WANT A THROWBACK? REMEMBER STEPHANIE FROM FULL HOUSE? UM YA SHES A METH HEAD</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/325043028513394688">April 19, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>SAME PAGE ON DANICA PATRICK !!!</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/350867521022337024">June 29, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>I guarantee it</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/186258981331812352">April 1, 2012</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

And Rickey changes it up again:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>I love getting lucky enough to see someone fall down the stairs, actually the funniest thing you can witness</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/341637137223016448">June 3, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>I guarantee it</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/186258981331812352">April 1, 2012</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.</p>&mdash; Paranoid Jimmy (@Worrier) <a href="https://twitter.com/Worrier/statuses/347519691339751424">June 20, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>I guarantee it</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/186258981331812352">April 1, 2012</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Having spent the last hour skyping and looking up dogs to rescue now I just wanna watch despicable me 2</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/354641901359603716">July 9, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Two</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/318564334894723072">April 1, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Then the conversation turns to cars:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Gets in the van. No candy.....</p>&mdash; Paranoid Jimmy (@Worrier) <a href="https://twitter.com/Worrier/statuses/344298697946972161">June 11, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>It&#39;s all about the speakers</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/339465282840035328">May 28, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Is there anything not covered in puke?</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/338601985878134784">May 26, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Big things</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/104258028940955648">August 18, 2011</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>People who have nice cars and put stickers on them wtf??????</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/352221142922166272">July 3, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Being known to be thrifty with a dollar I finally stepped up and bought a nice car for me for once</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/61143341030588416">April 21, 2011</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Rickey discusses philosophy:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Just cooked a mosquito with my bbq lighter while it was flying around I&#39;m probably going to grow up to be a serial killer</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/344655455513112576">June 12, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>AND I CAN&#39;T WAIT !</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/108695930357821441">August 31, 2011</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>I&#39;m not ready to start working for things yet but when I eventually start looking for a job I&#39;m good with salads and rap music yo</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/341577656841674752">June 3, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>AND I CAN&#39;T WAIT !</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/108695930357821441">August 31, 2011</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Even when I don&#39;t like you I still like you</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/337750382790967296">May 24, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

And Mark finally wraps it up:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>THANKS GUYS</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/351099617791852544">June 29, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Can&#39;t wait to week 2</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/242839830017486849">September 4, 2012</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

But Rickey always gets the last word:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Who has a slip and slide I can borrow mine&#39;s destroyed</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/336206933801443328">May 19, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

And just before the show ends we finally get some international flair:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>To any slightly rotund Australian kids...forget about practicing your back door pass and concentrate on pushing and youll earn 100 caps!</p>&mdash; Luke Narraway (@lukenarraway) <a href="https://twitter.com/lukenarraway/statuses/353463463831535616">July 6, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Bye bye Luke</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/120262521415409665">October 1, 2011</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

But Rickey always gets the last word:

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>I got a feather henna tat but it looks like a furry jalapeño.</p>&mdash; Ricky Henderson (@ebhendo) <a href="https://twitter.com/ebhendo/statuses/356481932353212416">July 14, 2013</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p>Up</p>&mdash; Mark May (@mark_may) <a href="https://twitter.com/mark_may/statuses/49664653944569856">March 21, 2011</a></blockquote>

<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

Outstanding show guys. Can't wait to Mash it up again next week.