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Once Bitten Twice Shy: Gilbert's Dissertation

Gilbert feels a sense of freedom after the first loss of the season for Texas Tech but that makes him worry. He also wrote a scientific article for review.

Once Bitten
Once Bitten

Chapter 45.

Kliff said he wasn't doing anything for Halloween so that definitely means he's taking the USC job. That's it guys. Pack it in.

Chapter 46.

What if Pickens buys all the cokes and cups at Jones Stadium and nobody has anything to mix with their flasks?

Chapter 47.

What happens when we can't stop robots with a twenty pound medicine ball?

Chapter 48.

My cup holder is suddenly magnetic.

Chapter 49.

I sent my dissertation to the New England Journal of Medicine but I haven't heard back from them. I need to have my article peer reviewed and published but they won't return my calls. It really worries me. Is there something wrong with it? Please read it and let me know.

Gilbert's Dissertation: Dissecting the greatest song ever.

Please direct comments and accolades to @GilbertWorries.

What is the most bad ass song of all time?

The debate has raged for years so I decided it's time to settle this once and for all. If you don't think that Once Bitten Twice Shy is the most bad ass song of all time then you're just straight up dumb. Every single American (and some Canadians) older than 30 know every word to the song. C'mon, try to tell me you don't know all the words and I'll tell you how much you lie right to your face.

Halfway home in the parking lot
By the look in her eye

What's next? Yeah, that's what I thought.

It's the classic "boy meets girl, boy falls for girl, girl gets her picture on another guys jacket" story. The song grabs you from the opening line because you can really feel how the times are gettin' hard for that girl while he's hummin' and a strummin' all over God's world. The poor girl can't even remember the last time she ate.

Then she learned all about rock 'n roll on a grey tour bus with the drummer but our hero got there in the nick of time before he got his hands across the state line. Yeah.

Has there ever been a grouping of words that have been more poignant and painted such a vivid picture? No.

Then all the sudden it gets cold and the heater doesn't work and her sister gets there and teaches her how rock 'n roll looks.

And then Jack Russell hits us with that haunting chorus. How many different ways can you say "babe"? Well if you're Jack Russell, you can say it about a hundred different ways, easy.

But then out of nowhere the song takes a dark turn. There's blood on his amp and his Les Paul's beat, and that's not cool.

Everyone who's ever been around rock 'n roll know that's a huge faux pas. You can do a lot of things to a rock 'n roll dude, but if you get blood on his amp, you're probably done. Plus, you're never home and then whoa boy, his best friend said what?

Candles, burning, the haunting chorus again and then Great White rips your heart out. The genius of the song is that it leaves the door slightly open to a reunion between the two tortured lovers, but Great White slams that door shut in the end like it's nobody's business when he sees her picture on another guy's jacket.

You can always hold out hope that love will prevail until you see her picture on another guy's jacket. That's it. Door slammed.

And then Great White walks away knowing they just rocked your ass hard with the greatest song ever.

We're once bitten. But we're still bad ass.

Gilbert, out.