FanPost

A Bowl Next Year? Why Not 12?


What is the natural result of enduring a painful losing season? Why, you look forward to next year, of course. There are a host of folks here at VTM, starting with Seth himself, who are far more football savvy than me. And the pigskin braintrust has gone back and forth about whether there is any justifiable basis for optimism about next year. Me? I’m always irrational about football, and I find myself bubbling over with what is likely to be baseless optimism every August. As I pondered that variant of psychosis, I concluded that I needed to build in a hedge against the kind of disappointment I’ve experienced this year. Beyond grain alcohol.

We all know (and are likely to be rudely reminded by fans of the other schools in the conference) that we are not bowl eligible this year. Who knows? That may happen again next year. With that in mind, I’ve decided to look at each game next year as a bowl of its own. Every bowl needs a name and a sponsor. So, with a hopeful heart and a partially-functional brain, I have mapped out next season (though the dates remain uncertain). As long as we’re not in the airport, let’s get our guns up.

Home Games:

Sam Houston State Bearkats – the "What in Darwin’s Name Is a Bearkat? Bowl" (sponsored by the Texas Department of Criminal Justice)

UTEP Miners – the "Just Straight Football; No Switchblades Bowl" (sponsored by Tums)

Iowa State Cyclones – the "Corn Tortilla Bowl" (sponsored by the Discount Beer Wholesalers of America)

Kansas State Wildcats – the "Could Bill Snyder Please Just Retire and Stop Thumping Us? Bowl" (sponsored by the Humane Society)

Oklahoma State Cowboys – the "No, It Was Our Tradition First! Bowl" (sponsored by Xerox)

TCU Horned Frogs – the "Profane Epithets from a Surprising Source Bowl" (sponsored by Velcro)

Away Games:

Arkansas Razorbacks – the "You Can’t Make a Joke about Pork without It Sounding Dirty Bowl" (sponsored by Jimmy Dean)

Kansas Jayhawks – the "Shouldn’t the Loser Get the Number One Draft Pick? Bowl" (sponsored by Prozac)

Oklahoma Sooners – the "Only Someone on LSD Would Try to Handicap this Game Bowl" (sponsored by Fleetwood Homes)

Texas Longhorns – the "Condescending Hospitality Bowl" (sponsored by ESPN)

West Virginia Mountaineers – the "Keep the Matches Away from Our Bench! Bowl" (sponsored by Kidde Fire Extinguishers)

Neutral Site Game:

Baylor Bears – the "Doesn’t Jerry Have a Tarp Somewhere? Bowl" (sponsored by Bemis)

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Viva The Matadors' writers or editors.

Trending Discussions