Twitter is an interesting platform. Anyone can join and send messages and reply to whoever they want. It took me a while to realize that trying to talk to the important people in the world is a futile effort. I spent 3 months trying to get invited to Metta World Peace's Nerds and Nurses Costume Party and he never responded. I was crushed.
On Twitter, the important people don't talk TO people, they talk AT people. You little people need to learn that. Here are some examples I found this morning.
This guy is sending a subtle message to Erin Andrews, letting her know where he is today just in case. She didn't respond.
And this guy doesn't have time for no Aristotle crap during footbaw. Desmond didn't reply.
@DesmondHoward So ..... who's gonna be the Texas Coach next year? Peterson? Smart? Briles? Petrino? Patterson?— Mr. Coffey (@Que_Bueno) September 9, 2013
This guy wants to change the subject too. Important Mark May didn't even favorite the tweet.
@mark_may Is it fun being dominated by that old guy with the lisp every Saturday?— Dan Collier (@dc8981_dan) July 21, 2013
In this tweet both the important person and the little person are able to reach 100% of something, but the very important Lou Holtz had no time for conversation.
@ESPNDrLou life is 80 percent perception, 20 percent reality.— thatguy333 (@Patrick89330083) November 14, 2012
Even an inspirational quote from Bill Cosby couldn't inspire this little person from expressing his displeasure with the very important Mack Brown. And the very important Mack Brown couldn't find the time to retweet for a passionate fan.
@UT_MackBrown too bad we lose every fucking game!!— Antonio Vintimilla (@Ronaldoooope) June 10, 2013
And this is just a weird question for the fake coach of Nebraska, but of course he didn't answer.
@FauxPelini did u forget to breastfeed your players before the game?— Chris Davis (@csquared118) September 1, 2013
Here's Ubben and some other very important people talking about Baker Mayfield's crotch. The important people didn't even have the courtesy to give the little person that tweeted them an acknowledgement.
@davidubben I think we all know it was more of an "upper" thigh bruise.— Sarah Crutchfield (@S_Crutchfield) September 13, 2013
Every Day Should Be Saturday won't even take a few seconds to block me.
And last but not least we'll focus on a famous cat. This cat is probably the biggest name on Twitter and he rudely never responds to the little people that respond to the tidbits he sends out. It's the ultimate example of what's wrong with Twitter.
@Garfield get off the internet and i wont send my cousins around to your house with tranquilizer gun and a woodchipper— Soul James (@Soul_James) September 10, 2013
@Garfield By KICKING you off a CLIFF— Eric (@RealSkeleton) August 16, 2013
@Garfield this recipe made my tiny son projectile vomit at our grandmother's birthday party. thanks a bunch, shithead— football!!!! !!! (@ratonjn) July 29, 2013
@Garfield I'm sitting in a dark, damp room right now. I've been sitting here for a long time. I'm waiting. Waiting for you to JUST DIE CAT..— Ryan Jones (@MildlyAdequate) July 12, 2013
Twitter would be a much better place if the big important people would start paying attention to all us little guys.
We're just trying to have a conversation.