It is the night before football and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even a mouse, except for this mad clown wearing a gun and speaking of someone called the King outside my door.
Normally I would never open up to bat crazy clowns, but after noticing that his gun was made of foam, I decided to risk life and limb to quit this lunatic of the night. I slung the door open with every intention of murder and mayhem being displayed on my part, as I rushed him with the fury of all white Republicans who have to pay tax's. I growled and grunted swinging my arms with wild abandon, and yet two steps out and I was done. Not due to the mad hatter, gun wielding clown of destruction, but by that of a voice, so loud and direct that I fainted on the spot.
I awoke to the most amazing site and man has ever witnessed. The King standing above me clad in a silk suit and purple tie, coupled with hair that could only be that of a Brad Pitt, Taylor Swift offspring. Trembling as I looked upon this presence, I asked for forgiveness and pleaded for a little more time. Then the smile came, one that would make the angels sing down from the heavens, followed by the words of the King saying "Come now child, the time of disappointment is gone. You will no longer have to bow down to orange clad hipsters, or wagon stuffing pilgrims. I am here to guide you from the miseries of the false profit administrators, and self centered coaches. I am the prophetical son of tech past, groomed by the father, and if you believe, you will be delivered the glory of football gods. You and your brethren will be shown to the light, and will be given a power so great that all who look upon it will tremble in fear. Is this what you wish my son?"
Breathless and dizzy from all the cool-aid I was drinking, given to me by the half sane, gun toting mad hatter of a clown, I asked what was this power he was speaking of. He replied with a smooth and relaxed voice that sought to calm my nerves " drink up son, for what I speak is the truth, and thou who choose to be unbelievers will be thrown from their feet with one strike of my army! I come to you so that you may witness my presence, and that you may go forth filling the glasses of all believers. I ask only that you trust in me and I will show you the way. The power my son, will the ability of my people to speak as they wish in bars, company parties and most of all at family gatherings, in the company of non believers, when you see the despair in their eyes as you repeat these words, "I speak for King- when I say bow before the Scarlet & Black for the Matadors have arrived!!!!!!!!!
Have fun Mad Raiders the time is here, and the King has arrived. Just don't drink to much of that cool-aid and never open your doors to insane clowns, it's a trap!