Red Raider Football Game Day Threads: A Primer

Get your monkey and your donkey and your pony behind the couch right now

These weird tricks will help us win all the games.

Since we have a few new posters and visitors to VTM we wanted to give a rundown of what to expect (and more importantly, what is expected of you) when the first GDT goes up Friday night.

Weird trick #1

You must hide behind your couch on 3rd downs (and potentially other big plays during the game).  This is very important and is critical to our success.  It also sometimes helps to hook jumper cables up to a stuffed monkey.

Also, if you discover something random that you do during the game, such as make your future father in law sit on the floor with one leg on the coffee table, or stand in the garage for 2 hours without drinking a beer, or leaving the Cotton Bowl to stand in the parking lot, you must do it.  If it helps the team win, you gotta do  it.

My peak sickness moment - the 2008 Cotton Bowl

Because the bowl was in Dallas where I live I was host of the tailgate & about 20 out of towners. Now I have attended 5 Tech bowl games before this one & Tech lost every one of them: A long ago Independence Bowl vs Ole Miss, the 1995 Cotton Bowl vs USC, two Alamo Bowls, both vs Iowa, and the 2005 Cotton Bowl vs Alabama. Each time I become more convinced that the reason we are losing these bowl games is because I’m in the stadium. Especially after Leach started winning all the bowl games I din’t attend. So we have a great tailgate before the 2008 Cotton Bowl & we all head into the stadium. Sometime in the 3rd quarter Tech is down 10 points and now i know it’s my fault. So without saying a word to anybody I get up & leave. I walk to the tailgate tent, pull out the TV & tune in the game knowing that this one sacrifice of mine will give Tech the boost they need to come back & win. I keep getting calls from people in the stadium asking "Where are you?". I’m watching the game I tell them. Explaining this sickness is more trouble than it’s worth. Well we lose the game anyway. Moral of the story? I can’t even be in the same city as Texas Tech when they are in a Bowl game. The next time they have a bowl game in Dallas, I’m heading to Vegas.

It's called the Air Raid. So why would you try to run it like it's 1992?

Austin, TX, who used to post here and I still keep in touch with, stood outside a gas station last year in the rain because VTMers demanded it.  Her sacrifice paid off and we won the game.  That's the kind of dedication that will be expected this year, especially from some of the younger guys.  You aren't as prone to catch pneumonia as some of us so you might have to dive into an icy cold swimming pool as we get into November.

SHE WENT TO GET SOME CAT FOOD OR SOMETHING AND TECH TOOK THE LEAD

WHILE SHE WAS THERE SO WE TOLD HER TO STAY AT THE GAS STATION UNTIL THE GAME WAS OVER AND WE WON AND IT ALL MAKES PERFECT SENSE AND THIS WIN BELONGS TO AUSTIN, 100%

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

Above all else, you have to do whatever it takes to ensure a win.

I kicked a friend (and former employee) out of my house in San Angelo AND MADE HIM WALK HOME when Tech came back to beat Kansas in 2004 after falling behind 30-5.  He shoulda reported me to HR, but it was worth it.

Weird Trick #2

It's perfectly acceptable, and expected, to announce your self as the first poster on a new thread by simply typing "First!"  This act really annoys some people, but it's important.  The first poster deserves to be recognized for being first.

First?

Weird Trick #3

If you're a kid or opposed to harsh language, don't go in the GDT.  Reread some of the articles, or follow along on Twitter (where most stay civilized) but the GDT can get raucous, especially if a certain team isn't playing well.  You'll see words, and combinations of words, and creatively creating new words that mean other words, that you probably won't be comfortable with.  You're gonna see all kinds of stuff.

Why does an aggy lick his balls?

because he can’t…

…and they thought they were going to get away from us that easy

"It was impossible to get a conversation going. Everybody was talking too much" - Yogi Berra

I'm not going to lie to you guys

I gave myself a wedgie and tucked my shirt into my underwear and we’re whooping ass.

" Answers --Become Resources." 
Without Questions, There are limited Resources...

I've always wanted to karate slice pineapples

The chicken is involved but the pig is committed

TexasTechForever

Combine the two

And you’re a fucking unstoppable ninja. I see what they are trying to do here.

Weird Trick #4

"That's what she said" is a phrase that will never get old.  However, it is incumbent upon you to try and find creative ways to insert the phrase, and if you can combine it with the "first" phenomenon, you'll earn double points.

His balls are getting knocked down way too often

This is a 3 ring circus up in here......

battledome

twss

Four vert or die, motherf#cker

San Antonio Red Raider

thats what she said

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

battledome

first

Four vert or die, motherf#cker

San Antonio Red Raider

dangit

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

battledome

good effort, though...

Four vert or die, motherf#cker

Another example:

We don't need no stinking replays

San Antonio Red Raider

thats what she said

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

Weird Trick #5

And finally, if I ever disappear from a GDT, it's likely that I got lost in another GDT and spent a few hours talking to myself.  If this happens, somebody come get me because I get bored and start posting pictures of ukuleles and stupid crap.

SPIELMAN STOP HALF ASSING IT

EITHER CLEAR GLASSES OR ALL OUT SHADES. YOU LOOK LIKE YOU’RE ON YOUR WAY TO THE GUN RANGE OR SOMETHING.

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

San Antonio Red Raider

HELL YEAH INTERCEPTION OH NO HELL NO HE WAS INBOUNDS

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

San Antonio Red Raider

STOP 'EM D

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

San Antonio Red Raider

CHECK OUT THIS BAD ASS DUDE

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

San Antonio Red Raider

THIS IS CRAZY

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

San Antonio Red Raider

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU CAN'T CATCH #81

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

San Antonio Red Raider

HELL YEAH 4TH DOWN TURN DOWN

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

San Antonio Red Raider

----------->

That old man bowling right over there freaks me out.

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

San Antonio Red Raider

HELL YEAH STEPHENS

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

San Antonio Red Raider

SORRY DANA FOR KICKING YOUR ASS BUT I STILL WANNA GO TO VEGAS

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

San Antonio Red Raider

WATCH THIS LIL MY LIL PONY BLOW SOME SHIT UP

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

San Antonio Red Raider

OH MAN THERE'S A STREAKER I HOPE ITS NOT SOMEONE I KNOW

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

San Antonio Red Raider

HELL YEAH TOMMY

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

San Antonio Red Raider

JUST SET A NEW RING TONE FOR MY WIFE LIKE A BAD ASS

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

San Antonio Red Raider

C'MON DEFENSE GET BEHIND MY COUCH

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

San Antonio Red Raider

DADGUMIT

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

San Antonio Red Raider

SAW A REAL WEIRD PUMPKIN THE OTHER DAY

No bullfights. No gambling. No donkeys. No vanilla extracts. None of that stuff. Straight football. No switchblades. 

Weird Trick #6

And finally, this one weird trick will help you cut down on belly fat:  Stop eating so much sausage.

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So there you have it.  Start stretching your fingers out today.  Maybe have your family create some cue cards and see how quickly you can come up with a joke or GIF.  You've got to keep a google tab opened, and I'll probably be rolling with my new favorite thing on earth, gizoogle.

Whatever you do though, its time to get your minds right Double T Nation.  It's game week.  Those players and coaches have worked their tails off to get ready for this game. It's time for us to step it up and make sure they win by making jokes about balls and teaching your kids ninja tricks because its good karma.  Do what you gotta do Red Raiders.

Or teaching them early the proper way to ride a motorcycle.  Whatever, it's time.

And yes, there is a secret test inserted in this post to see how right your minds are.  First person with the correct answer wins $1.25 straight cash.

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