FanPost

8 Things Fans Can (but shouldn't) Do to Help Tech Beat TCU

This is supposed to be sarcastic, if you don't realize this by the end of reading it I feel sorry for you. If you attempt any of the following, then I feel even more sorry for you

8) Acquire Devonte Fields phone number, post a craigslist ad with Fields contact info stating you are giving away free labradoodles and miniature goats. Everyone loves labradoodles and miniature goats so Fields will be too tired to pass rush after dealing with inquires about free animals all night. (Disclaimer: this does actually work, so be careful with it)

7) Chant DUI every time Casey Pall Mall takes the field.

6) Replace Gary Patterson's shoelaces with Twizzlers

5) Make the entire TCU team take a drug screen before the game...no pass, no play

4) Kidnap Gary Patterson's towel girl and send in the Dancing Ginger instead… I can hear Patterson now: "Quit shaking your groove thing and just get me a towel! There’s not even music playing!!!!!"

3) Report Chad Glasgow to the NSA for working as a KGB spy for the USSR (that's right the Communist Russians, not the Putin ones). How is you defense going to get a stop without a middle-aged white guy screaming at players every time they come off the field?

2) Have the LPD do a "random" sniff test of the TCU bus, rumor has it Ontario Smith is on the coaching staff at TCU to teach them proper use of the Whizzinator so #5 might not work, but there’s no getting around Rin Tin Tin’s sniffer.

1) For the bachelors out there, seduce towel girl and convince her to replace Patterson's towels with malnourished and rabid Honey Badgers...good luck coaching with your eyes scratched out Patterson.

<em>This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Viva The Matadors' writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Viva The Matadors' writers or editors.</em>

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

Join Viva The Matadors

You must be a member of Viva The Matadors to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Viva The Matadors. You should read them.

Join Viva The Matadors

You must be a member of Viva The Matadors to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Viva The Matadors. You should read them.

Spinner

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9347_tracker