When we first met, I thought she was just okay looking, especially for someone from east Texas. She did have most of her teeth. But after a while, I guess she kinda grew on me in a masochistic, punch-yourself-in-the-boys sort of way. Sure, she was always talking about how much smarter she was, and how I lacked class, and how I should make more money. But I tolerated her, and her stupid gayass dog. (Seriously, that dog was gayer than a bag of penises.)

Anyway, as time went on, she got madder and madder. Partly because I used words like "madder" and partly because I beat her in every single frickin thing we did. Checkers, scrabble, dabble, yatze, farting games, popcorn eating contests, frisbee, staring, pacman, girl pacman, blood tests, fantasy foosball, and oh yeah, real football. But she kept going on and on about her SAT scores..."I made an 1800 and you didn't, nah, nah, nah-nah, nah!" Well guess what b!tch, I didn't blow that asian kid in trigonometry so I could copy his SAT answers!

But, I digress. What hurts most is that the pain is gone. I know, I know, it doesn't make sense. But I love this pain. I loved when she was on the rag and would wave it around in my face and yell "Whoops!" I loved our yearly tradition of humping. I loved our late night yell sessions. I loved when her family would get angry and punch themselves in the face. I loved their plantation-owner racism.

Which is why I'll never understand why she left me for Alabama.