Today was a great day because a good friend of mine came home. He's been down in the Dominican Republic (his home country) for the last 6 months starting a new business. It's great to have him back.
He brought me an electric tennis racket that fries mosquitoes and bugs when you swing at them. It's called the Electric Mosquito Trap and it's labeled a family helper. There's a warning that reads while using, don't touch the wire side. I am reading this straight from the package. It's red with a picture of several dead mosquitos and it takes 2 double A batteries. It has a picture of a baby with the Ghostbusters cross through his face. This isn't a toy!
I couldn't believe my eyes, because this is the greatest invention ever. Hours of fun just swatting at bugs like Nadal! I'm not kidding. I'm gonna swing it like Nadal! Up yours McEnroe! I've got an electric racket!
I had to hide it from my kids because it's pretty ominous looking, but I can't wait to try it out. It has hot wires in the webbing. I'm gonna burn some shit with this! My dog better hide or she'll have electric racket burns on her ass by the time school's out!
I wonder-can it cook bacon?
And, of course, he also brought me the greatest gift ever created in the Dominican Republic- RUM.
Dominican Rum. God's gift to lips. Brugal. It's the brand name but I think it means honey in some ancient, romantic language. "Can I pour you some Brugal?" "Two fingers or three?" I can see Sinatra saying that to Ava Gardner.
So, being the good friend I am, even to Dominicans, I had a couple of drinks. I don't want to be rude. Besides, we live in a politically correct world. "Have a drink! Have some Dominican rum! Where are the limes? You're standing on my foot. Where's Ava? Fry that mosquito with your electric Nadal racket!"
So I had a couple of drinks. I swing my new racket around and then I had one more.
And that's when the answer hit me. After a couple of drinks, and one more, the answer to the Katfish's problems hit me.
I know how the Katfish can be a roaring success. I jotted it down in about 200 words. Katfish better read this. It won't take long.
I admit, I first posted this on Seth's 9/29 RRG, at the bottom, but I'm afraid no one will see it. So much action going on in the DTN these days. A few glib comments made today will disappear tomorrow. You've got a funny joke at 2? It's gone by 3. Someone posts a picture? You better look at it quick, cause it's gonna be history soon.
Oh, the downside of success. Seth's DTN is one of the most fluid sites on the whole internets. So I wanted to post my wishing well on top in hopes that it would survive for at least a day. Only the strong survive. Katfish, this is strong, and this is my wishing well.
Who am I kidding? This wishing well belongs to all of us:
I remember reading the "Crabtree effect" and I think it’s probably happening on the defensive side of the ball now. I just don’t want to wait.
In today’s NCAA, you have to have a good offense. And, more often than not, you have to have a GREAT offense. Few games are won 6-3 in today’s world. Katfish needs to realize that.
The SEC has been dominating, but the offenses of the winnning teams in the last several years have been no slouch. Quick, name a defensive player from Florida. No?
OK, how about naming their QB from 2006-2009?
Hint- it rhymes with "Rebow". He walks on something. Something that rhymes with "Potter".
How about Russell? Ingram and Richardson? Bradford? McCoy? Harrell? Pryor? Robinson? Newton? Mallett? Luck? Oregon?
We can bicker all we want about run vs. pass but it boils down to outscoring your opponent in 2010. And beyond. We aren’t going to win any championships with shutouts or 3-2 victories. C'mon Katfish. You've gotta see this!
I heard Herby the Doosh yesterday saying that Texas is gonna abandon the running game and go back to more of a spread attack. Meanwhile, we’re bound and determined to run the ball down their throats and win with defense. Why? This is two thousand and friggin' 10. Score! Pass, run, reverse, flea-flicker, fake punt, who cares? Just score!
More than anything, I want the Katfish to be able to adjust. Adjust to what will bring us success right now, not what brought you glory at the "U" and the War Eagle. I don't give a shit where Ray Lewis played his first game. Score. Alot. Now.
If we have to score 50 points a game, I want him to find a way to make it happen. I’ll carry him on my shoulders and let him kiss my wife (on the cheek) if he does. We could probably go about 59 yards before I have to put him down, but I hope someone films it. I wanna see it on YouTube. I wanna carry Katfish on my shoulders and have it broadcast on YouTube.
I want a dominating defense. But we MUST have an offense in 2010 and beyond. We will never win a championship with a D that shuts out 10 teams. Why? Because no one does it anymore! Defense is great, and I'm glad it's here, but Katfish:
Offense wins championships.
Welcome home Antonio!
By the way, you might need to start bringing back more rum. It inspires me. Just like Terence Trent D'Arby.