Spring has sprung and we've got the fever! I'm itchy all over!
Welcome to the May issue of our newsletter. We're so glad you're here! Spring is a time for cleaning up and making changes. Any successful organization is in perpetual motion, constantly making improvements, and ours is no different. One big change you'll notice this month is a new contributor. Guy decided he wanted to focus on "academics" and "running a university" and said he didn't have time to work on the newsletter anymore. Fine. He's annoying anyway. Always making air quotes and talking about academia. Academia is not all it's cracked up to be. I went there once and couldn't find any shoes my size (5). But, I did find a sweet fishing rod and some stink bait so, it's all good.
Anyway, I digest. Since Guy left we needed to fill his spot, and we made a huuge upgrade with one simple move. I called down to the practice field and asked Mr. Friggin' Craig James to come join us, and guess what? He said yes! Every month he'll write a column focused on movie reviews, or politics, or current events, or parental advice. His debut article is in this, the Mother's Day edition. The timing couldn't be better because we all know he is one big mother! Welcome to my fold Mr. James!
In addition to Craig's debut we've got an action packed issue. We'll give you some insight on our cost cutting measures, an inside look at Gerald's proposal to build a hill, an amazing quote of the month, and an interview with a true Lubbock treasure. Enjoy.
Hance on Leadership
Rule # 3 of Effective Leadership: They won't follow you if you're all hat and no cattle.
Sure, we'd all love to live a life of luxury. Fancy cars, poodles,a bidet next to the bed. A robot to wash your feet. But sometimes, you gotta tighten your belt. Like many families across the country, we in the Bell Tower are pinching pennies and saving for a rainy day. Yes, we have TV's in the bathroom but we're not materialistic. In fact, we've stopped eating lunch at Market Street and now brown bag it at least three times a week. I enjoy my mustard & egg sandwiches and have been able to lose a few pounds in the process. Gerald munches on Funyuns and drinks a few gallons of Big Red and gets more work done in the office. He might even have time to set goals for his coaches. It's a win/win situation!
We've also cut out all the fancy graphics and 'artist rendering' costs associated with showing you folks what the future will look like. For example, instead of paying some Santa Fe artist or Houston marketing firm a butt-load of money to render our football team with white helmets, I rendered it myself:
Can you feel the excitement? Who needs fancy graphics? Tell me that's not first class. First class with a bullet bay-bee! Who's ready for some football? Marshall, there's a new sheriff in town and he's wearing a white hat!
In addition, we've eliminated a few clerical positions in the Bell Tower. It was a painful process but will prove beneficial in the long run. To pitch in, Gerald and I now create our own documents and proposals (we'll give you a taste of the magic we make later in the newsletter). As was widely reported, we proposed improving our athletic facilties to the Board of Regents and the James family. Needless to say, we killed it. And when I say we killed it, I mean we did good.
But, back to my topic. The key to leadership is to have cattle. That and you've got to cut costs to the bone. When you get to the bone, keep cutting. I guarantee your subordinates will respect you for it. If not, cut their ass. See you next month!
I'm thrilled to let y'all get to know me better. I'll write a column each month covering various topics. This month I'm going to give you my review of the James Cameron epic Avatar. I like the name James.
When I arrived at the theater I was surprised by the number of my fans already there. They were really supportive. I turned down the volume on my BlackBerry and limited all my calls to 5 minutes once inside (I didn't want to be rude). I couldn't believe the number of people that called to offer their support during the movie and during our time of epic struggle. Thankfully I still have ESPN and my new puppy, Pony Pony Moustache Ride (long story) to help keep my mind occupied. This has been a very difficult time. In case you didn't know, I am in the middle of a spiritual war. I am also in the middle of building houses at Possum Kingdom. War is hell and I believe in freedom. I believe in freedom and Possum Kingdom.
So I ask you- who needs the government always looking over your shoulder? Can you imagine a government that is always around, asking questions and getting in your business? I don't think we need the government calling us while we are trying to do our job, always bugging us. I believe in the power of the individual and that no one should get a free ride. I believe that every man, woman and child should have to prove themselves. The government should let we the people decide who is best suited to play in the game we call life. The government is trampling our freedom. Can you believe the government went on TV and broke down in tears, talking about "I'm a dad" and "I want to stop this insanity"? This government is out of control. Someone should do something to stop it before it destroys an institution or program. Someone should hire a PR firm. That's why I'm gonna run for the Senate soon.
Anyway, the movie was cool. Blue avatars and awesome graphics. Pretty loud and dark. I couldn't see the head shots of myself I taped to the seat in front of me and Pony Pony Moustache Ride peed all over my new Chucks. But, despite all that, I'll still give it 3 CJ's.
Political ad paid for by:
Chatting with Gerald
Editor's note: A reader suggested interviewing Tech legend James Hadnot. It was a great idea and it would have been a compelling interview, but efforts to get it scheduled turned into a huge mess. Here's why:
Kent: Gerald, have you talked to Hadnot?
Kent: So you did the interview?
Kent: Ok. Now I'm confused. You have interviewed Hadnot?
Gerald: Yes, that's right.
Kent: How did it go?
Gerald: How did what go?
Kent: (gritted teeth) The interview with Hadnot.
Gerald: Yes, not yet.
Kent: (red faced and yelling) Have you or have you not interviewed Hadnot? Had or Hadnot?
Gerald: That's a double negative.
Kent: (gasping for air) I need my heart pills.
Gerald: Have you seen my funyuns?
So, since the Hadnot interview stalled out, Gerald took another route:
Gerald Myers: Good morning everybody! Today we have a special treat. We are truly in the presence of greatness. I'm thankful for the opportunity to interview a genuine Lubbock treasure. He's a long-time Lubbock resident, a huge Tech fan, and a man of honor. Please give a big round of applause to KAMC Chief Meteorologist Rob Roberts!
Ron Roberts: Thank you, but it's actually Ron Roberts. Is this on TV or radio?
GM: No, it's just you and me and I'm so sorry about that, but it does lead to my first question. How would you prefer to be addressed? I don't know what the proper custom is. Should I call you Chief or Chief Meteorologist?
RR: Actually Ron is fine.
GM: Oh no, I'm not comfortable with that. We've never met and you deserve the upmost respect. I'll use your full name. So tell me Chief Meteorologist, are you offended by the Washington Redskins?
RR: What? Why?
GM: How about Red Man chewing tobacco?
RR: What in the hell are you talking about?
GM: I just know this can be a touchy subject. As Chief, are you pleased with the progress the NCAA has made in addressing the concerns of your people?
RR: My people? Do you mean weathermen?
GM: Weathermen? No, I'm talking about Native Americans. You're a Chief.
RR: Native Americans? What does that have to do with the weather? I'm not a Chief.
GM: Are you born a Chief or do you have to earn it? What rituals did you endure? Have you been to Indiana?
RR: Seriously. You must be insane.
GM: What does Meteorologist mean in your native tongue? Is it something like Crazy Bear?
RR: I can't believe I drove all the way over here for this. Have you ever watched the news? I do the weather. I am a weather man. Chief Meterologist is my job title. I am not a tribal Chief.
GM: Do you have one of those big headdresses? Can I try it on?
RR: (storming out of the room) Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I'm outta here.
GM: Chief wait! Chief? Oh man, I had so many more questions. Kent is gonna be pissed. OK. I guess that's it. Thanks Chief! Call me! Chief Meteorologist Rob Roberts is truly a legend. Thanks again for your time.
Quote of the Month
This month's quote comes from NASCAR legend and Fox announcer Larry McReynolds. Over the years Larry Mac has sprinkled his magic dust in living rooms across America. But, just last week, he outdid himself while discussing a driver's pit stop:
"It's jest one of the many accolades ya git from settin' on that pole."
How can 14 little words mean so much without meaning anything at all? Who doesn't hear that melody and not want to strive for those same accolades? How many accolades are there? How can I set on that pole? Is settin' on that pole the only way to get accolades?
So many questions spring from one simple sentence and all of them make me want to be a better man.
If I work hard enough in life and follow the rules, I hope to put myself in a position to get accolades. And when I do, I hope Larry Mac is there to narrate my accomplishment.
Inside the Bell Tower
As promised, this section will give you a peek at the inner workings of the Bell Tower. Everyone knows about our intentions to build a hill at Texas Tech, but what you didn't know was how we got that approved. That is, until now!
Below you will find the actual presentation we took to the Board of Regents and the James family for hill funding approval. Prepare to be amazed. It's Shock and Awe in a boardroom!
So there you have it. Larry Mac, we're ready for those accolades now! I feel like I'm settin' on that pole!
Do you realize how great it feels to walk into a room with nothing, and walk out with a wheelbarrow full of cash? We've got to get to Lowe's and buy some dirt. We've got a hill to build!
Thank you science and history. Thank you most gracious regents. And thank you secret folder with my stash of bad ass pictures! But, most importantly, thank you for reading our musings. You can catch up with previous issues here. As always, comments and suggestions are welcome.
Have a great month! Send money! Today! We're hurting!
Oh, and if you need help getting a project approved, give us a ring. It's kinda slow around here this time of year. We can bring the shock and awe to any boardroom.