Through the years you have shown better than average talent but it has been difficult to step out of your father's rather large shadow. He's helped you in various phases of life and most recently he secured your HC job with a sweet salary. Over the past several weeks though, some cracks have begun to show. Blow out losses and some embarrasing scenes are raising eyebrows. People are beginning to question your talent level and whether you are up for the job. Does he deserve to be here or did his family name buy his spot? Is he cut out to be a HC?
Don't worry, I'm here to help. If you follow my five-step plan, you can weather this storm. Here's how:
1. Find a demon. You've already gotten off to a nice start with this by complaining about Texas being a football state and Tech fans not coming to your games. Keep this up. The state of Texas and Tech fans have a great history, but their faults need to be brought to light. People will begin to doubt their relevance and question their intentions.
2. Use your dad. He works for ESPN so make sure they give him ample air time to complain about the demons that are holding you back. If asked, ESPN will begin to run a scroll at the bottom of the screen detailing the evils of Texas and Red Raider fans. How can you be expected to reach your full potential when Texas is a football state and there are empty seats in the arena? (The Lead: The state of Texas cussed at Pat Knight). When your dad is interviewed by Digger Phelps, make sure he plays on people's emotions by mentioning that he is a dad, first and foremost. He only wants what is best for you, and you are the victim here.
3. If necessary, go medical. Heart problems? Dehydration? It's your call, but play this card when the time is right. If you are being mistreated and have a medical issue, the sky is the limit. The public will be apalled with the state of Texas and Tech fans for doing this to you. Mark May will cry on cue and ESPN will wheel out analysts whose sons were coaches. With red faces, some will threaten to whip the state of Texas' ass if their sons were treated this way. "If I ever see those Tech fans that weren't at the games I'll punch them right in the face."
4. Ramp up the pressure. Your dad needs to start making calls to the BOR, Bailey, and his BFF Gerald. He also needs to sit down face to face with Hance. This is critical. Kent is extremely intimidated by powerful dads. Growing up in Dimmit, his daddy must have whipped him daily. During the meeting, make sure he sees the soap opera playing on ESPN. Any respectable Chancellor would be embarrassed that his university allowed one of its own to be subjected to this kind of environment and that it is unfolding on ESPN. After the meeting the wheels will be set in motion. The investigation of the state of Texas and Tech fans will begin immediately.
5. Keep your camera phone with you at all times. Film the empty seats in the arena. Take pictures of all the high school football stadiums in the state. If Darko rushes you, let him. But capture it on film and put it on YouTube. The public needs to know the dire circumstances you are up against.
Following these five steps will guarantee you an extended contract. It might even get you a raise. What has Rick Barnes ever done? You deserve at least a salary equal to his. He's never had to face the challenges you've had. I mean you have to coach basketball in the state of Texas for heaven's sake. Oh, wait. Nevermind.
Anyway, I hope this helps. Remember, Beethoven and Picasso weren't fully appreciated in their time. No one knew the full genius of Liberace while he was alive. Don Knotts never got the credit he deserved. Sometimes we need our dads and ESPN to shine some light on superstars that fly under the radar. I've been through this before and it worked for me. Trust me, you'll come out on top.
Take care bro,